Premarital Counseling: 1st Meeting

In Catholic church, we have this thing called Premarital Counseling (in Bahasa Indonesia: Kursus Persiapan Pernikahan) that every engaged couple need to attend. Here's for the full information about Catholic wedding: step-by-step.

In Indonesia, especially after I compared it to some Catholic friends living outside of Indonesia, the couple will need to at least attend the counseling 3 times. The counseling itself will be a personal one, with a specific priest to guide each couple through.

I found an article in Chicago Tribune that talks about premarital counseling, if that interest you.

In an essence, premarital counseling is made to prepare the couple for the (not-so-easy-and-rainbow-colours-wonderful) marriage. Given the fact that Catholic marriage (as i suppose in essence, every other marriage from other religions) is monogamous, once in a lifetime, or until-death-do-us thing... I suppose the premarital counseling can come in handy.

So after handing in all the required documents, we were assigned to do the counseling with Father Ignatius from the International parish of Peter Canisius (I keep on repeating "Blessed Trinity" parish unconsciously, my old parish in Holland). And today was our first meeting.

We didn't know what to expect. We were just there and be present and be ready. Also with a bible in hand.

The meeting started out (of course) with a prayer.Then the priest started to ask the basic questions of our relationship... "What do you like about your partner?" and "What makes you decide to get married?".

Of course there's no hesitation in answering those questions (especially for him), but for me.. at first it was a bit off a weird thing to do.. to put out my personal feelings and emotions out in the open for someone that I just know. But at last, lovely words came pouring out of my mouth. 

The next thing the priest addressed is about cultural differences, and "Do you have any difficulties about it?". Father Ignatius made a nice point as he said that whatever issue that you have (for example: cultural differences) can be both a meeting point and a breaking point. It will be wonderful if couples/families are willing to address whatever issue they are having and put it on the table so than they can talk about it. Resolve and compromise, instead of tearing each other apart. Well, no marriage and family is perfect. So I suppose the willingness to communicate towards one another is playing a very important role.

... And that's when Father Ignatius told us a story of a couple that he know.
This specific couple "build" 5 pillars for their strong marriage.

1. Communication. 
Put a good dose of 5-10 minutes everyday to talk about your day with one another. And even if you are in a hate-mode to one another.. always try to find a mean of communication (indirectly) to get your message and hot-headed feeling conveyed to your partner.

2. Pray for one another. 
Again, no matter what you're going through, always have the time to pray for one another.

And with the previous two points, it is said that sexual relationship is not merely done because of physical needs, it is also the deepest way to communicate and the peak of love expression towards one another.

3. Put God as the center of the family. 
Self explanatory, if you do the previous two.. I bet God is the center of the family to glue you all.

4. Relate with other families. 
Because you are not suppose to face it all alone. Having other friendly families can be useful when you're having difficulties at home or needing some advice. 

5. Reach out for communities and the church. 
In Catholic, families and marriage are set in a bigger picture: community and church. So.. spend some of your time to serve the community as well as the church.

We also had a sidebar conversation about "life after death". T was a bit concerned about something that somebody said. That when one dies (and supposedly goes to heaven).. you wont see your partner or families or loved ones in a certain way as one had when one lived. That the love of God is enough. 

Then of course T said that heaven sucks then if he wont be feeling the way he's feeling to me now :)) :))

Good thing is, Father Ignatius got a different opinion. And then he shared the (love) story of his own parents, how they got teared apart and then got stronger in loving one another, and that his mother died before his father because of a sickness, and there's no way that his father would seek for a new wife. I could related to the story so much as similar thing happened to my parents.

Thus, love and relationship between two people can go sooo deeeeep that it's just unthinkable to leave your partner.. even if they are no longer lived. 

That was quite an intense first session we had. 

What do you think?